Dork Reports

Meet Fats:

Fats belongs to the OTs (Original Townies). I was asked to walk and play with Fats for a week while the OTs were at work, and after a couple hiccups, I was able to do so for the first time yesterday. Fats barked at me when I first arrived, but jumped for joy when he realized I was there to play with him. He was super happy, which made me super happy.

Fats obviously didn’t realize that he was going to have a play date, so he chewed up his tennis ball before I got there. This did not stop him from beckoning me to play fetch with him. His tactic involves placing a ball near you and staring at it intensely until you pick it up and throw it. Sometimes, he’ll stare, whine a little, then back up a couple steps, all the while looking like, “I seriously can’t believe you don’t want to pick up that ball and throw it!”

Fats and I went on a walk, and the minute we turned the corner off the cul de sac, Fats pooped on a bush. I picked it up and was thankful he did not try to run off while I awkwardly tied a steaming bag of poop up. He’s a pretty fast dude, and his normal gait is equivalent to my fast walk. At one point, I decided I should kick up my exercise a notch and jogged behind him. Fats turned around, saw that I was “running” and decided he would also run a bit. Then he realized that he could walk at his normal pace and I would probably never catch up, so he stopped running and I felt stupid. And tired.

When we got back, I sat with Fats for a bit to wait out the rain. Once it stopped, we went outside to play fetch. He’s an avid player of the game of fetch, and will stop at nothing to get his ball, even if it means potentially poking his eyes out in a bush. I was having a hard time getting the ball over the house to the other side of the yard, which was giving him plenty of opportunities to run around sniffing for it. Fats is a great dog to play fetch with because he is always 100% excited no matter where you throw the ball. We played for maybe 30 minutes, and he got a little pooped, and stretched out for a bit and yawned.

I was gonna go up to him and pet him, but the minute I approached, he sprung back to fetch mode.

Eventually, I had to move on to my other task of the day: buying a pinata, so I had to leave Fats behind. Because I was new to locking up the OT’s door, every time I opened the door while testing to see if it was locked, Fats was right behind it, staring at me, looking for another game of fetch. It was so sad. Then he looked at me through the window as I walked away.

Well, last night, I started feeling a bit of pain in my arm and shoulder blade area, and couldn’t figure out how sitting in bed made that part of my body hurt. Then I realized, “Sad. Throwing a broken tennis ball made me sore.” I woke up this morning feeling it even more, and even told an OT that I might not be able to play fetch today. She told me to push through it, as it’s the only way to build muscle. And I did, if only for Fats.

Today I showed up, newspaper in hand, ready to use the plastic bag for Fats’ poop. The minute I opened the door, Fats, like a movie dog, grabbed the newspaper from my hand and in his excitement, tore up the bag. There was no barking today so he must have known he was in for a treat. So he got excited. Really excited. So excited, and then immediately hunched his back and started walking all timidly, with tail tucked, looking like he was in pain. It worried me, so I called the OTs. Then, while talking to one of them, I realized that he had what appeared to be a massive boner. Fats was that excited to see me. At least someone was. I guess he was just trying to walk it out, and the minute he did, he immediately sprang for a tennis ball (this one without holes).

We played fetch for a whole hour today before his walk. Fats must have been having a good time. Then, he did something weird, and walked into the pool and briefly dipped himself and the ball in it. Apparently, he does that when he gets hot.

Anyway, I persevered through the soreness, and launched the ball all over the yard. Then I tried to capture the moment of Fats and I being equally happy. But he was so fixated on the ball that he wouldn’t participate in the photo. At least his shadow did. Man, I love Fats. I say I love most dogs (not Gina’s), but I really love Fats because he’s so awesome. These have been a happy couple of days. If exercise always involved dogs, I’d probably do it more.