Dork Reports

More like Women in Shit Films. It’s been several weeks since I’ve streamed something on Netflix. Ever since I started (and stopped) playing Wii Fit and started watching Oz, I hadn’t put the Netflix disc back in the Wii. Last night, I did, figuring I would watching something light and easy before going to bed. Because of my revived interest in Joseph Gordon-Levitt, I chose Women in Trouble, by Sebastian Gutierrez. The other JGL movie available was one he made when he was thirteen. Skip.

I generally don’t like to read the synopsis prior to watching a movie. In this case I wish I had. “A serpentine day in the life of ten seemingly disparate women: a porn star, a flight attendant, a psychiatrist, a masseuse, a bartender, a pair of call girls, etc. All of them with one crucial thing in common. Trouble.” God Almighty, what did I get myself into?

The movie opened with a jail scene involving a bad girl, a nun and a horny guard. Yes, porn stars. Great. The first thing I noticed was the bad sound mixing, which required me to continuously change the volume levels. Then, I noticed the shit movie. I kept watching it though because JGL tends to be in interesting movies and I was looking forward to finding out how he intertwined with the women, who, to put it nicely, were written by someone who just tried too hard. Finally, I noticed that for no good reason, the movie liked splicing in really loud obnoxious montages that were long enough to potentially wake sleeping elders but short enough that muting was not a possibility.

With indie movies I tend to have a bit more patience since I know if I were to make a film it’d probably be pretty difficult to stomach. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt for following their passions enough to do what it takes to get their movies made. But Women in Trouble just sucked ass, and in a somewhat rare move, I decided to turn it off almost an hour in. But not before fast forwarding to see if I could at least watch JGL’s scenes. I did that, no JGL. Then I rewound, no JGL. Then I checked the credits and saw: JGL. So I rewound a little bit more. I was so irritated I contemplated smashing things. I was ready to shut it off completely when my fast forwarding overshot the credits and there, finally, was JGL.

Yes, he’s so good, they saved him for last in a scene that was really really really not worth my time to see. It was like a DVD extra that they tacked on just to get JGL’s name in the bill. I probably could have been better off watching The Great Elephant Escape. Verdict: Fucking skip it and watch the first episode of Party Down, which I ended up doing.