Dork Reports

Better than TPS reports?

Dork Reports header image 4

Entries Tagged as 'Dork Report'

Winter Wonderland, only not

February 11th, 2012 · No Comments · Dork Report

I might have mentioned before that I think movies gave me the wrong idea when it comes to snow in New York in the winter. Last year, I really thought there’d be more constant snow. This year, it’s felt more like Fall than anything. And I missed the snowstorm that happened last month when I [...]

[Read more →]

Tags:

Jetlag dreams

February 4th, 2012 · No Comments · Dork Report

Does extreme exhaustion cause me to just dream deeper? Without going into everything I dreamt about this week I feel like this week the dreams have been just as mundanely detailed as normal, but super extended. I’m notorious for dreaming about either bizarre or boring things, and now it’s a combination of really boring with [...]

[Read more →]

Tags:

Blerg. Times Square!

December 30th, 2011 · No Comments · Dork Report

I’m not sure how, but I always seem to end up in/around Times Square. Most of the time when this happens, I’m drunk, like when I went in search of pizza, headed towards lights and BLAMMO! Times Square. I brought that upon myself. The funny thing is after two failed attempts to go to Totto [...]

[Read more →]

Tags:

Her popsicle melts

December 29th, 2011 · No Comments · Dork Report

I didn’t believe it last year when everyone was telling me “This is the worst winter in a while” because I a) thought it snowed consistently out here and b) made it through a “bone-chilling” winter pretty much unscathed. My “winter” shoes were a pair of Vans and non-insulated rain boots. It was cold, but seriously not [...]

[Read more →]

Tags:

Smells and other frustrations

November 25th, 2011 · No Comments · Dork Report

1) Some people place towels under the door to keep the smell of weed from drifting out. Tonight, I placed the towel there to keep the smell of Pine Sol from drifting in. It’s not done much, considering I’ve had to open the door repeatedly to tell the porter, “No, the hot water has not [...]

[Read more →]

Tags:

Thanksgiving for one

November 24th, 2011 · No Comments · Dork Report

I had a feeling I’d end up doing nothing for Thanksgiving, so I tried to preemptively avoid the holiday by convincing myself that a road trip to Canada was in order. No specific place, just Canada, maybe Toronto or Montreal. I knew a handful of people would be in town, kind of tossed it out [...]

[Read more →]

Tags: ··

It feels like Fall!

November 16th, 2011 · No Comments · Dork Report

Last year around this time it was so rainy all the time that I spent most of my days covering my head with an umbrella. This, combined with staring at the ground as I walk, caused me to miss out on the transition between Summer and Winter. I mean, obviously as I walked I noticed [...]

[Read more →]

Tags:

How to be a fatty

October 17th, 2011 · No Comments · Dork Report

They say it’s best to start drinking before you start feeling thirsty. Now that the cold is settling in, I plan to start eating before I start feeling hungry.

[Read more →]

Tags:

Maybe Minors

October 5th, 2011 · No Comments · Dork Report

That would be a good name for an escort service. This might be “Gigalos” inspired.

[Read more →]

Tags:

Out of the Past

September 8th, 2011 · 1 Comment · Dork Report

A fitting final DVD rental from Netflix (assuming I don’t get another movie mailed before I cancel). A year has come and gone since I moved to New York and it’s time to bid farewell to the old and keep replacing with the new. Adios Netflix and its damn price hikes. No more failing to [...]

[Read more →]

Tags: